Sponsored by: Andrewtech Automotive | TurboXS | Discount Tire Direct | Hypercoils

project: BDR is a motorsports team and group of friends in the Washington, DC area. Our primary focus is autocross, but many of us also do track events. And all of us love cars.

project:BDR triumphs over adversity to… register for the season

The connection has been reset.

Connection timed out.

This vendor does not accept that type of credit card.

The page cannot be displayed.

Loading…

Connection timed out.

Do you agree to the terms of this subscription? (YES FOR THE #@%&ing LAST TIME I @!#$ING AGREE)

ASP.net error: al;kjelsdkajflkdsajflk;jasdlfkjasdlfkasdfkjldsakljfjlk 9392919191

These, and other discouraging messages, would face the WDCR autocross community over the course of two-plus harrowing hours trying to log in to DLBRacing.com for the WDCR SCCA autocross subscription. Because this can be a harrowing experience, we felt that some explanation was in order.

DLB Racing: How a packet becomes a subscription

Most of the internet uses a protocol known as TCP/IP, which transmits data over a series of tubes in the form of small electronic globules called “packets”. You log in to your internet service provider and type “www.dlbracing.com”. It has been suggested on wdcr-solo that these packets are then hand transcribed over a phone line onto paper. If only that were the case.

At the router for DLBRacing, these “packets” are hand-transcribed by the Geico cavemen onto actual caves, using woolly mammoth blood for zeroes, and saber-toothed tiger blood for ones.

Cave paintings

This particular painting represents the many S2000′s in A-Stock. That charming fellow on the chariot represents Greg Obadia.

Each packet is hand-photographed by the cavemen using an 80′s style Polaroid camera.

For zeroes, the pictures are gently blown upon, and for ones, the pictures are flapped back and forth really fast. For BMW owners, the pictures are both gently blown upon AND flapped back and forth really fast.
These pictures are then handed off to a flock of carrier pigeons.

Carrier pigeon

The carrier pigeons drop off the pictures at DLBRacing headquarters. They are translated first from Sanskrit to Bocce, then from Bocce to pig Latin, and from pig Latin to English. Occasionally the translation from pig Latin to English gets skipped, and someone like Oody-way Air-hay ends up registered in SP-Ay. But for the most part, the system is reliable.

You’re probably thinking – “It’s in English now. It should go into the database now. Right?” Not quite. First, the subscriptions are transported via freight train to Springfield, where the Sea Captain from the Simpsons steps in. The Sea Captain (who in his earlier years ran an Integra Type Rrrr in D Stock) uses an Aldis Lamp to send the signals back to DLBRacing.com.

Captain

The Boy Scouts on staff at DLBRacing transmit the signals via semaphore flag to the database administrator, who then enters the data into the system.

Semaphore

And that, folks, is why registration for the season subscriptions takes so long. Here’s hoping that those Boy Scouts get their act together in the future.

When it was all said and done, five project:BDR members had completed the process. We are looking forward to another great season at Fedex!

Leave a Reply